Dead as a doornail

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Brain surgeon

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Is there a zombie in our midst?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?!
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Happy birthday!

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

Dedicated follower of fashion

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks

Say that again...

Q: This condition you have... does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Oops!

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Aaagghh!

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

I understand completely

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral

Plain English, please...

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Plain spooky!

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

DCLnews, June 2005